Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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