I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
