these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
