After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
