Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
