I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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