I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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