At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
