dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
