the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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