The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
