she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
