Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
