If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
