I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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