He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
