I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
