Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have feelings that need drinking.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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