I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize