i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
