I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
