I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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