I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize