i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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