Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
