Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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