His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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