I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want to make a zoo with you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
