Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
