What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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