I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize