I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize