so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
