Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
