I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
