Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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