You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize