I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
