sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want nice things and good sex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
