You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
