Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
