He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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