I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
third nipple confirmed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
