Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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