roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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