Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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