i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
