The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
