I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
