I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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