My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
