Christians are straight up FREAKS
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
