Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
