A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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