About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
