She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
