Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
