3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just google imaged poop.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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