Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
