So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
