Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
