also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
