He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
