I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
