Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Damn victory sex feels great
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