Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
