stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
