Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
