she was so not down for the gang bang
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
