I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
