Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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