I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize