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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize