He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm too high and old for this...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
