I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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