3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
