I accidentally burped into my bong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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