Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my poor anus
Bring me that man meat
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
