Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
