dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
