Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
