your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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