I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
