u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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