I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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