Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
